Testing waters
Recently I realized how much I’m unconsciously fond of ‘testing situations’ to confirm what I though was correct or wrong. I liked to think that I’m quite observant and because of that I tend to catch hints rather quickly. But somehow (and I believe it is out of a cautious attitude) I will always tend to seek confirmations for the things I’m already quite sure about.
It’s ‘sad’ to say that the same applies for my relationship with God now. Somehow I know what he wants me to do but I really do not want to do it. I guess I would be a very good example of a modern day Jonah. When I know what God wants me to do in a specific situation I would purposely do the opposite for two reasons. 1) Because I really want it my way. 2) Because I want to see what God would do.
If Samson is prevented from cutting his hair since young, mine would be a gaming console. I know this is weird but I know since long long ago that God don’t want me to go into gaming. This revelation is furiously backed up by my parents who know that when I immerse myself into a game it is very hard for me to get out of it. My attitude towards them will change and my already difficult-to-juggle priorities will be seriously messed up. I know that my self control in this area is bad.
The desire to play games largely increased ever since I entered army, and for me, it’s really bad. Whenever I get home from work I would be so spent and I figured that it would be reasonable to spend the night doing something that I enjoy doing. That thing which I really enjoyed doing is playing games. For me, it’s a big problem and I know God doesn’t like it because I got so many other things that I need to do.
Using Jonah as my parallel example, knowing that which God does not like, I decided to go against it, and of course, God did send ‘storms’ along the way. 1) My mom threw away the small television in my room. 2) Jia liang took back the PS2 I borrowed from him. 3) No money to buy a new television. 4) The PS2 I recently brought over from Darren (for a cheap $180) SPOILT before I can play it. It’s now in the shop for repair… and it has been already 1 week. 5) No money to pay for repair. So even if it is repaired I will need to wait till I have the money to take it back from the shop. It is very interesting to note that all these 5 pointers just form part of the entire picture.
The ‘storms’ or otherwise better known as ‘barriers’ really works like irritating alarm clocks notifying me of the things I already knew I should not be doing. Somehow I do not feel guilty. I’m still fighting against the situations to get things going my way. In a certain sense, I know that I’m asking for trouble but somehow I’m not afraid, yet. I guess this at least prove that I can still hear God. That’s a good point but sometimes when I know that I’m in the wrong, I would rather not hear God.
We would not fully know the power of temptation until we are tempted at our weakest point with little will to fight against it.
It’s ‘sad’ to say that the same applies for my relationship with God now. Somehow I know what he wants me to do but I really do not want to do it. I guess I would be a very good example of a modern day Jonah. When I know what God wants me to do in a specific situation I would purposely do the opposite for two reasons. 1) Because I really want it my way. 2) Because I want to see what God would do.
If Samson is prevented from cutting his hair since young, mine would be a gaming console. I know this is weird but I know since long long ago that God don’t want me to go into gaming. This revelation is furiously backed up by my parents who know that when I immerse myself into a game it is very hard for me to get out of it. My attitude towards them will change and my already difficult-to-juggle priorities will be seriously messed up. I know that my self control in this area is bad.
The desire to play games largely increased ever since I entered army, and for me, it’s really bad. Whenever I get home from work I would be so spent and I figured that it would be reasonable to spend the night doing something that I enjoy doing. That thing which I really enjoyed doing is playing games. For me, it’s a big problem and I know God doesn’t like it because I got so many other things that I need to do.
Using Jonah as my parallel example, knowing that which God does not like, I decided to go against it, and of course, God did send ‘storms’ along the way. 1) My mom threw away the small television in my room. 2) Jia liang took back the PS2 I borrowed from him. 3) No money to buy a new television. 4) The PS2 I recently brought over from Darren (for a cheap $180) SPOILT before I can play it. It’s now in the shop for repair… and it has been already 1 week. 5) No money to pay for repair. So even if it is repaired I will need to wait till I have the money to take it back from the shop. It is very interesting to note that all these 5 pointers just form part of the entire picture.
The ‘storms’ or otherwise better known as ‘barriers’ really works like irritating alarm clocks notifying me of the things I already knew I should not be doing. Somehow I do not feel guilty. I’m still fighting against the situations to get things going my way. In a certain sense, I know that I’m asking for trouble but somehow I’m not afraid, yet. I guess this at least prove that I can still hear God. That’s a good point but sometimes when I know that I’m in the wrong, I would rather not hear God.
We would not fully know the power of temptation until we are tempted at our weakest point with little will to fight against it.
posted by matt at 12:27 AM
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