12 Lotus

This is one of the few nights where I feel as if I'm drowning; swirling around within a myriad of thoughts, so many that it provides me with the impetus to record some of the more pertinent ones before they float away again into nothingness.

First: Experience + Experience = World-view

Decided to spend today with Jia Liang since he need not go back to his camp for this whole week. During lunch I popped the question that I have always forgot to ask. So we talked about his missionary calling and his plans based on such a calling. I'm so glad that his mind is being stirred, this is something the God has been putting in my heart for so long, glad that its finally out and gone/done.

Together we also watched 12 Lotus and Money No Enough 2 (finally!). 12 Lotus is a really good film but its not really mainstream so some people will not be to appreciate this melodrama that is in-your-face painful, as the fiction story it presents is very plausible. It's really different from Royston's previous 881. To me, its alot better although theres alot of differing opinions going around. Anyways creativity wise, films by Jack really pales in comparison to Royston's.

What really hits home (for me at least) is how strikingly real the direct effect of our negative past experience can have in our relation to others. Hence its easy to observe how our world-view is being shaped experience by experience. Like how we always go through life thinking that we know whats going on, but actually we really don't until we consciously decide to take a step back to really observe ourselves and our beliefs. I guess this film is good in a way that it forces me to take that backward step.

Artistically, this film gave me a more in-depth understanding about the symbolism of the colour, Pink. Coincidentally, this happens to be one of the colours I have chosen for Rhema Conference 08

Growing old alone

Recently at school happened to be talking to someone in his (late?) forties and the conversation goes something like this:

Matt: so where will you be going after this?
Mr.x : maybe going to catch a movie.
Matt: oh! thats nice, with who?
Mr.x : go alone lar, i always go alone to the movies alone.
Mr.x : at home also always alone so no difference.
Mr.x : my friends all married liao, not nice to disturb them.
Matt: er... thats true, *mumbles* and its sad (goes into deep thought)
Mr.x : so see you around bah.

This type of loneliness kinda scares me now, can't imagine it becoming a norm for people. Is that the reason why single women in ministry and in seculars working environment can be so productive at work? Are they being busy in an effort to fight loneliness? If yes then its really sad. Sad truth.

Change

As much as people would say that change is constant, there is a part of me that seems strangely resistant to this change.

I still have an uncanny knack for the creative side of life.
My taste in music hasn't changed much.
I still feel 18.
I still have a largely seeking mind.
I still wished that I was smarter, more musically inclined, to be able to speak better...
My constant need for God grace.

I rarely do tests, but I thought this one is really accurate?... hhas

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is an incubator for good ideas, it just takes a while for them to develop. But when you think of something, watch out! Your thoughts tend to be huge, and they come on quickly - like an explosion. You tend to be quiet around others, unless you're inspired by your next big idea.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Labels

There are so many terms to call yourself, like for example if I told people that I would be studying philosophy or religions (which in some sense, I'm right by saying so) they would probably go "Ah, thats interesting." But if you tell people that you will be doing theology, you will get a long are-you-serious type stare assuming that they understand what you mean. Then after that you will see them asking the chain of why-what-when-how questions with them already having certain perceptional bias about such people even before they asked the questions. Then you will soon figure that there is one more pair of eyes watching your life waiting to fault you for flaws that are human, then they will prove to themselves, "see all Christians are like that."

Maybe this is too far fetched but its true to some extent, thou not all the time. Anyways the point is that its really not very nice to answer questions people ask out of boredom. The army is full of this (maybe in taxi cabs too), people just like to ask where or what you would be doing after the 2year term. Every time I'm asked this I would feel so tempted to lie (or just not telling the full truth) just to get away with it because you just don't want to deal with their responses. Slowly you would try to lessen your guilt by reasoning that they wouldn't understand even if you told them. But you will still know deep down that you lied.