The every present moment

Jesus repeats himself five times here: "Don't worry." Don't worry about your life, for your heavenly Father knows what you need. Listen to the birds and consider how God cares for them. Look at the flowers and learn from their effortless beauty. Don't worry about wealth like the pagans do, for despite what the advertisers say, your life doesn't consist of your possessions. Don't fret about the past or obsess about the future over which you have no control, but rather learn to enjoy the every present moment.

Reading Matt 6:25-34 really struck a long-time cord within me.

Psalm 23

The Lord is my teacher; He is all that I need.

He makes me rest to give me clarity; He leads me in my study.

He restores my confidence in Him; He guides me as His
presence is with me.

Even though faces of the lecturers keep appearing in my mind, I will fret not, for You are with me; Your love and faithfulness, they strengthen me.

You prepare a table before me with assignments that I need to complete, You anoint my brain with wisdom, my joy overflows.

Surely, goodness and love will follow me all the days in AGBC, and I will dwell in the library with the Lord forever.

Image of God

Another funeral. This makes the third one I attended this month. Many thoughts just popped in as I stayed overnight; the most impressive one should be when I sneaked a peek into the coffin when no one is around and there lay Auntie May. So yes we are created in the image of God and therefore this shapes the believer's value of humanity, but when do we begin to be "made in the image of God" and of course when do we cease to be an image of God? From dust we come, to dust we will eventually revert. Now this understanding bears a huge weight (and maybe even the definitive) on arguments about Abortion and Euthanasia where the believer talk about pro-life or pro-choice and defining death.

Was just talking to Ewen over msn about this issue and thought that next time I would want to preach at my parents funeral for I believe that its my parents' desire to see people come to know Christ as their personal savior. Like what Ewen said, me too can't believe how people can go to funerals and leave unfazed by the seemingly random unpredictability of what life is. And that only in Christ do we find the answer in the believer's assurance of destiny.

On hindsight, the last minute decisions to stay over at the void deck while pushing back doing my assignments... I kinda like the spontaneity of it all, if this is what God wants me to do as ministry, I really don't mind. Maybe its a package and this all comes with it.

Spectacular Somethings

Often we read and hear from other people about their oh-so-many spectacular moments when God lead them towards something or in certain directions. It must be very odd of me but sometimes the more I listen to such amazing testimonies the more discouraged I feel. I keep wondering whats wrong with me, why am I not experiencing such things when I should, and it somehow leads me to think if I'm really doing what God wants me to do.

You see, many times when seeking direction, we tend to ask God to show us something spectacular. Like to show us a clear sign. I'm not to say God does not work in this way, in fact there are many testimonies stating that God does show himself in this manner. Its just that sometimes we wipe off the little somethings that God does and expect him to deliver the way we expected him to.

Sometimes I guess we should really take a step back and look at what God has done in our lives. When we do, we would notice those little somethings that God has provided in one way or another. Insignificant as what they may seem by themselves, but when combined, they are spectacular indications of God's presence in our lives and the direction he intends of us to pursue.

I guess most of us have figured that there is actually a span of time between that when we decide to obey the call of God and the actualization of that intention. And even after that, there is a even longer span of time at which God prepares us for whatever and wherever he wants us to be. Each step seem to demand more faith in the promises of God. Just when I thought that I have given enough of myself, God seem to seek more of me. As if dying to myself is not enough, he seem to want me D.E.A.D., the state of complete surrender. The deeper I walk down the path of surrender, the more I'm realized how faithless I am, and of course, the amount of things I keep holding on to, even when I say "Lord, all that I am, I lay them down before you."

Prayer Room

Back in school, the seemingly seldom used prayer room has got to be my favorite. It is just a small little room in a corner of the school and when you close the door and switch off the light no one can really tell if anyone is inside. Well that is really a good thing as privacy is really hard to come by for me. Hence I made a commitment to spend at least a half hour inside every time I have to stay in school for an extended amount of time.

I believe I have grown alot through the last three months however there is a significant area that has been leaving me puzzled so, it has been really weird. You see, I used to instinctive know where to go and what God wanted me to do but now God seems silent. I do not know if its a dry spell or something but what I do know is that God still does speak to me. Like I still know where and which area of ministry I should be getting into and he still reminds me every time I failed in a particular area, but those are nothing compared to what I can hear from God last time. It's as if God is teaching me a new way of listening to his voice as I hold on to what I know about his character.

Maybe this is what faith is as worded in James 1:17 - that we believe that God does not change like shifting shadows. God is like that light that doesn't create shadows because He is always at the zenith, never moving.