Not knowing
“If, when I was asleep I was a man dreaming I was a butterfly, how do I know when I am awake I am not a butterfly dreaming I am a man?” - Lao Tse
Besides the fact that butterflies do not dream like a human; or even dream at all, his point is clear, that we can never know for sure about anything. It means to the person that there is no God, or even if there is, we can never know.
Somehow now people actually pride themselves for not knowing. This new unknowingness has somehow became the new epitome of knowledge. It is the enlightenment to the understanding that many things we thought we know exists, never existed, cannot exist and cannot be known. This idea runs much contrary to the belief of the vast majority. This encapsulates what it means to be postmodern.
With what that is taught in schools, portrayed in modern art and films, it is clear that our culture is driving towards naturalistic assumptions. They tell us that mathematics is real; therefore, our brain is real. Food is real; therefore, our stomach is real. But the absolute moral order is not real. It is purely something created within and therefore it is not real. It does not and cannot exist.
Today, for the first time I was faced with such a weird question that suddenly makes so much sense. In this world, "How do I know I exist?"
The question without its background really sounds stupid but after much thought I realized that it is a no wonder why the 'smartest brains', people who know so much, can be so lost.
Exemplar Living
It was weird just thinking about it, its just interesting how God can speak to us even when we are not praying. Its like Him speaking to us albeit uninvited but its easy to figure that it is a good thing. I mean I really wonder how prayerfully changed we can be without God doing the initiating and starting the whole prayer engine system running. Anyways God spoke today and He asked me a pointed question in five words. “Are you still a leader?”
Ever since I entered the army I have been lead by people. Most of them are rather slack but there are also those people who abuse their power by making people scurry around so that they can look and feel good. They direct all faults at us and treat nsfs as expendable for their own promotion. They unconsciously taught me how the army works, that it is a wretched authoritarian system that I need to personally find loopholes to get around it. And lastly there are these few who really lead by example, they uphold the standard of discipline by being that standard themselves. They are the rare few who desire to affect change in the system as it is to what it would be. Most importantly, their presence gave me permission to do the same.
I'm on a driving course now. It has been really tough for me but I thank God that I got the chance to observe two of those people whom leadership I really respect. Being unconsciously trained by those despots in my previous camp, I made use of every opportunity to do what I want without being punished. I got my own ways of doing things that appeal to logic, people's kindness and grace. Those were fun, and so I thought, and I got things done the way people wanted it, in half the time, my way! I thought I was smart until God spoke to me and somehow brought me to observe the two officers going through the same course as me. They are working as man (not commanders), doing things and bringing things as commanded by the course instructor. I realized that certainly they are not dumb as to not understand the meaning of their rank, that they need not do the things they are doing if they do not want to. However there is no “air” around them as senior officers. Witnessing their humility was like receiving a smack in the face, a “kick in the teeth” by a being non other than God Himself.
Its so shameful that God needed to give me such a rude awakening to tell me that I am still a leader in church and that leadership is not really a given. Its is a lifestyle of example. So am I still a leader? So asked God. I really want to change. I feel so ashamed that I have fallen so far.
